you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
