Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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