my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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