youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
