I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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