So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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