if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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