he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
