Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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