The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
