I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
