It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
