New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
