Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
