Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
