the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
