the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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