What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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