I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
