This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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