susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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