I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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