Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
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