Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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