Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
