I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
