Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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