my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
