I just threw up on my dentist
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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