Soap is not a condiment
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
