There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
