Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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