Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
