I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
