took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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