I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
