Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Did I show you my penis last night?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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