im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
