Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I touched a dick in church today
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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