Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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