I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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