If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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