My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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