you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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