So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
