some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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