Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
