I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
