my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
