if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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