i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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