Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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