If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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