Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
