Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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