my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
