forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
