Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
