I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Damn victory sex feels great
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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