Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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