Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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