Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
