my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
