After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
