did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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