i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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