Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
