you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Randomize
