Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
