Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sorry my hands just texted you
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
