he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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