Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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