I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
