Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
