Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
