i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
