kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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