Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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