u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
