Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize